Psalms 143:10

Upon graduating high school I was really tested to see if I was going to follow the Lord’s plan or my own plan. Being the angsty teen that I was I was always against BYU-Idaho, well all BYUs but especially Idaho. I would hear these horror stories about girls who moved there, got engaged their first semester, dropped out of school, and were now happily pregnant.  However, I applied anyways and turns out I was accepted to go to school in Edmonton, and Idaho. I realllyy wanted to go to Edmonton. It made more sense: don’t be lame, get a degree, go on a mission, move to Europe, and then at thirty get married. The problem was that whenever I looked at housing, classes, or even thought about Edmonton I felt terrible. On flip side whenever I looked at housing, classes, or even thought about Idaho I felt fine. It wasn’t as if Idaho was the clear winner for the place that I should go to school, the thought still made me a little nauseous, but after praying, and asking my parents for advice I knew Edmonton was wrong. (**Sidebar, my parents never offer advice, they are very “kids need to learn, decide, and live with the consequences of their actions.” In high school I told them I was going to drop out so I could move to Europe, and Father Wayne Smith just said “hmm, well go luck with that.”) So Idaho was the only option. The two things that got me through that decision was knowing that Julia would be in Idaho, and knowing that I could apply for a study abroad in Jerusalem.

Julia, and I really lived it up in Rexburg. 

I spent a year, and a half in Idaho in which time I really learned to love it. I loved how small the campus was, I felt like I knew most people, my dear cousin Avrey was close by, I loved that for the first time I actually had to try to make friends, and it wasn’t just “Okay, I went to kindergarten with you so we are friends, or in grade four you stole my pencil and I am still a little bitter so we aren’t friends” I loved that in general everyone was trying to be closer in the Saviour. (Turns out getting married is a side effect of that.)

The best thing about Idaho? Avrey had a sweet angel baby. 

I turned nineteen in Idaho, and again was reminded of the limited time I had before I would go on a mission. I remember the night before my birthday staying up late and thinking “woahhh nineteen eh? Well two years is still so far off. No worries, I’ve got time.”

After a year in Idaho I had my first chance to apply to the Jerusalem study abroad for fall 2011. I was waitlisted, before the group left I was number two on the waitlist. I was so close. The thought of another semester at BYU Idaho was killer, but I decided suffered through it because I knew after that semester I could go to Jerusalem. Turns out that semester was one of the best, I hung out with Avrey, and her family more, I made a lifelong friend in Gabi Phend, and I learned how to be content with my own company. That semester everywhere I went: church, firesides, classes, hanging out, I kept hearing “The better you know Christ, the better you know yourself.” Although I kept hearing this, I didn’t really understood what it meant.

Gabi Phend made my last semester in Idaho a dream. 

Winter Semester of 2012 I finally went to Jerusalem to study at the BYU Jerusalem Center. I don’t even know what to say about this experience. It was like every life lesson I had learned previously I leaned all over again, and with a greater conviction. I was happier, more confident, closer with Christ and more content than I have ever been. Yes, it was a short four months but when every day is focused on the Saviour, and friendship it’s easy to learn. I finally understood what I kept learning that the more I learned about Christ, the more I learned about myself. I turned twenty in February in Jerusalem and naively I thought “I will think more about a mission when I am home.” I told myself that I just needed to focus on being in Jerusalem, and that when I was home I could confront the reality of going on a mission.  

In Jerusalem often times I would be reading the scriptures, or singing hymns, and I would think “This makes me so genuinely happy, how could I not want to share this with people” or “How could I be so selfish, that although I know the gospel is what makes me the happiest, that I don’t share it.”

Pretending to be all cute reading the scriptures. It's no big thing.

April 14, 2012 was my last Sabbath in Jerusalem. In the evening we had a fireside called “Upper Room Evening in Auditorium.” Upper Room is where the scriptures say Christ’s last supper was. I remember thinking that it didn’t sound too exciting and that I just wanted to soak up my last few days with my friends, but like everything in Jerusalem I knew I would learn a great deal. A few of our teachers spoke, scriptures were read, and violins were played. After the program we had the chance to sit in the Auditorium that overlooks the skyline of Jerusalem for fifteen minutes or so in silence, in which time we could read, pray, and/or write. We just couldn’t talk. I prayed, and then wrote in my journal. It was then I got a strong confirmation of what I always knew, that I was truly supposed to serve a mission.

After the fireside I went outside with two of my closest friends in Jerusalem: Ashley, and Sb, just to talk and giggle. I knew that I actually had to say out loud that I was going to go on a mission to make it seem real to me. Trying to be so causal, even though I was shaking I said “Umm I need to tell you two something.” They replied sweetly “of course, you can tell us anything.” And for the first time I said out loud “I think I need to go on a mission.” They were both so happy for me, giddy even. I was still freaking out, but it was perfect that they were the first people that I told. I needed their sheer excitement to calm my nerves.

Ash, me, and Sb. True love in a photograph. 

I left Jerusalem on April 19, 2012. I was leaving with the conviction that I was going to serve a mission. Although I knew I was going to serve a mission all my life, it was now in the foreground. I learned a lot during this time in my life. I learned that sometimes you just have to act and if it’s wrong the Lord will tell you, and sometimes things are just neutral. I learned how to be patient with my life that not all will come at once. However, the biggest thing that I learned in this time is that everything in my life happened for a reason, everything has directed me on the course the Lord set out for my life.